Published March 20, 2009
A batter’s box appeared on the driveway as the last of winter’s grasp gave way towards hopes of spring. Daniel is five and he wants to swing away. He wields his bat with the confidence of a boy who has yet to feel failure’s cold hand.
In my youth, I shared his confidence. Mine started the first time I cradled a pool cue. At first I beat my parents friends who thought it was cute, but that was just the beginning. My skills grew and by the time I got to college, I hustled every dimwit who wanted to take a chance. Card games naturally. Long before neighborhood men put tables in their basements and had Texas Hold ‘Em nights, I was making my way through gambling dens and less reputable spots on Manhattan’s lower east side. My fortune grew exponentially along with my reputation. It was a thrill, but that’s how it is when you bet with your own money.
My Wall Street friends were gamblers too, but they played with other people’s money. The gig isn’t hard when you make bets with someone else’s dough. But we all know what happened to them, don’t we?
Which brings me to President Obama.
The President’s political rise has been stratospheric. Rising from the Illinois state house to the Oval Office in just 16 short years. He took on the vaunted Clinton political machine and beat them like red headed stepchildren. He stands astride history, and he knows it.
Spring comes early to Washington, DC. President Obama is in the batter’s box and he’s ready to swing away. Unfortunately for Mr. Obama it’s late in the game, we’re losing, there’s no one on base and he’s got a full count.
Remember then, that The President is a gambler. He’s used to winning and he really doesn’t know failure. He’s ready to swing away, to gamble that he can knock that next pitch out of the park.
Problem is, he’s gambling with your money.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Stupid Is As Stupid Does
Everyone on Rock Rimmon Road knew it. The Stamford Police and Animal Control knew it, and by Wednesday morning the whole world knew it to.
No, it’s not that you shouldn’t give your pet Chimpanzee Xanax and hot tea. After all, everyone knows those two items rarely mix well in humans or primates. That’s just common sense.
The ugly truth, lay inside a ramshackle home and on the streets of downtown Stamford. That truth, which no one wanted to confront or deal with, was that the little old lady inside that home was an eccentric with a penchant for an alternative lifestyle, which was a danger to her and others.
Everyone knew or heard of Sandra Herold and the unusual “relationship” she had with her pet Chimpanzee, Travis. Many had listened to the rumors while others bore witness to their emotional bonds. Herold unashamedly referred to the beast as her child. She openly admitted to giving Travis alcohol, personally bathed the simian, put it in diapers, and took him on dangerous road trips through the streets of Stamford.
Of course we know that Chimps don’t talk, but Sandra Herold felt differently. And, to make matters worse, she felt obligated to share her twisted vision with anyone in earshot.
Today, we are all paying for her freakish worldview.
Anyone who has watched Animal Planet or perused the National Geographic can tell you that Chimpanzees are not ideals pets. They spend their time eating, hurling feces at one another and are prone to bouts of cannibalism if they think they can get away with it.
None of this mattered to Herold. So, when Travis was having an off day, she decided to calm the 200-pound chimp with synthetic drugs and Darjeeling. A bad move. Especially for Herold’s friend Charla Nash.
Nash, a supporter of this strange, alternative lifestyle got involved in Travis’ drug induced rage and ended up getting her face ripped off.
A 9-1-1 call brought Stamford Police to the scene. They quickly dispatched Travis to his great reward, leaving Nash in the hospital without her face and Sandra Herold talking to any media outlet with reporters brave enough to enter her home.
In the end, we’ll all foot the bill for Herold’s “relationship.” Police overtime, the massive hospital bills and a near certain stay in jail will all be paid for by those of us still lucky enough to have jobs.
Thanks Sandra. Nothing makes us happier than paying for other people’s delusions.
Forrest Gump once said, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Never has a single phrase rung so true.
No, it’s not that you shouldn’t give your pet Chimpanzee Xanax and hot tea. After all, everyone knows those two items rarely mix well in humans or primates. That’s just common sense.
The ugly truth, lay inside a ramshackle home and on the streets of downtown Stamford. That truth, which no one wanted to confront or deal with, was that the little old lady inside that home was an eccentric with a penchant for an alternative lifestyle, which was a danger to her and others.
Everyone knew or heard of Sandra Herold and the unusual “relationship” she had with her pet Chimpanzee, Travis. Many had listened to the rumors while others bore witness to their emotional bonds. Herold unashamedly referred to the beast as her child. She openly admitted to giving Travis alcohol, personally bathed the simian, put it in diapers, and took him on dangerous road trips through the streets of Stamford.
Of course we know that Chimps don’t talk, but Sandra Herold felt differently. And, to make matters worse, she felt obligated to share her twisted vision with anyone in earshot.
Today, we are all paying for her freakish worldview.
Anyone who has watched Animal Planet or perused the National Geographic can tell you that Chimpanzees are not ideals pets. They spend their time eating, hurling feces at one another and are prone to bouts of cannibalism if they think they can get away with it.
None of this mattered to Herold. So, when Travis was having an off day, she decided to calm the 200-pound chimp with synthetic drugs and Darjeeling. A bad move. Especially for Herold’s friend Charla Nash.
Nash, a supporter of this strange, alternative lifestyle got involved in Travis’ drug induced rage and ended up getting her face ripped off.
A 9-1-1 call brought Stamford Police to the scene. They quickly dispatched Travis to his great reward, leaving Nash in the hospital without her face and Sandra Herold talking to any media outlet with reporters brave enough to enter her home.
In the end, we’ll all foot the bill for Herold’s “relationship.” Police overtime, the massive hospital bills and a near certain stay in jail will all be paid for by those of us still lucky enough to have jobs.
Thanks Sandra. Nothing makes us happier than paying for other people’s delusions.
Forrest Gump once said, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Never has a single phrase rung so true.
Of Lucky Charms & The Stimulus Plan
Published February 13, 2009
It hit me on Saturday morning watching my boys (ages 5 & 7) lay into a box of Lucky Charms like Great White Sharks taking to baby seals off the Catalina Islands.
Of course, I thought, they’re getting 12 essential vitamins and iron. Of course it’s a nutritious way to start their day.
Lucky wouldn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t lie to you either.
Yet we all know that a binge on Lucky Charms will leave the kids feeling as satisfied as crack addicts in the morning, but sick as dogs later on in the day.
Is there any difference between my kids scarfing down Lucky Charms and the Government’s Stimulus Plan?
I think not.
Imagine the various corporations as hungry little boys, the bailout money as sugary cereal and our government as the parent.
These so-called “troubled” companies are gorging on monies from the Treasury. They’re hungry; and they’re going to eat and keep eating, because it tastes so good and no one is watching.
The “Stimulus” funds are as devoid of sound financial backing as those Lucky Charms are of nutrients. It’s nothing more than a series of enormous I.O.U’s payable by future generations of Americans. The result, U.S. Treasuries have so little value the Chinese buy them hesitantly.
The Administration, like the well-meaning parent who is not willing to do the real work of child rearing, believes that only more Lucky Charms will solve the current situation.
It’s time to tell our elected representatives that the economy only needs the guidance that we as parents provide our kids.
A bowl of Lucky Charms tastes good every once and a while, but too much of it will make you sick and rot your teeth.
It hit me on Saturday morning watching my boys (ages 5 & 7) lay into a box of Lucky Charms like Great White Sharks taking to baby seals off the Catalina Islands.
Of course, I thought, they’re getting 12 essential vitamins and iron. Of course it’s a nutritious way to start their day.
Lucky wouldn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t lie to you either.
Yet we all know that a binge on Lucky Charms will leave the kids feeling as satisfied as crack addicts in the morning, but sick as dogs later on in the day.
Is there any difference between my kids scarfing down Lucky Charms and the Government’s Stimulus Plan?
I think not.
Imagine the various corporations as hungry little boys, the bailout money as sugary cereal and our government as the parent.
These so-called “troubled” companies are gorging on monies from the Treasury. They’re hungry; and they’re going to eat and keep eating, because it tastes so good and no one is watching.
The “Stimulus” funds are as devoid of sound financial backing as those Lucky Charms are of nutrients. It’s nothing more than a series of enormous I.O.U’s payable by future generations of Americans. The result, U.S. Treasuries have so little value the Chinese buy them hesitantly.
The Administration, like the well-meaning parent who is not willing to do the real work of child rearing, believes that only more Lucky Charms will solve the current situation.
It’s time to tell our elected representatives that the economy only needs the guidance that we as parents provide our kids.
A bowl of Lucky Charms tastes good every once and a while, but too much of it will make you sick and rot your teeth.
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