Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Everyone on Rock Rimmon Road knew it. The Stamford Police and Animal Control knew it, and by Wednesday morning the whole world knew it to.

No, it’s not that you shouldn’t give your pet Chimpanzee Xanax and hot tea. After all, everyone knows those two items rarely mix well in humans or primates. That’s just common sense.

The ugly truth, lay inside a ramshackle home and on the streets of downtown Stamford. That truth, which no one wanted to confront or deal with, was that the little old lady inside that home was an eccentric with a penchant for an alternative lifestyle, which was a danger to her and others.

Everyone knew or heard of Sandra Herold and the unusual “relationship” she had with her pet Chimpanzee, Travis. Many had listened to the rumors while others bore witness to their emotional bonds. Herold unashamedly referred to the beast as her child. She openly admitted to giving Travis alcohol, personally bathed the simian, put it in diapers, and took him on dangerous road trips through the streets of Stamford.

Of course we know that Chimps don’t talk, but Sandra Herold felt differently. And, to make matters worse, she felt obligated to share her twisted vision with anyone in earshot.

Today, we are all paying for her freakish worldview.

Anyone who has watched Animal Planet or perused the National Geographic can tell you that Chimpanzees are not ideals pets. They spend their time eating, hurling feces at one another and are prone to bouts of cannibalism if they think they can get away with it.

None of this mattered to Herold. So, when Travis was having an off day, she decided to calm the 200-pound chimp with synthetic drugs and Darjeeling. A bad move. Especially for Herold’s friend Charla Nash.

Nash, a supporter of this strange, alternative lifestyle got involved in Travis’ drug induced rage and ended up getting her face ripped off.

A 9-1-1 call brought Stamford Police to the scene. They quickly dispatched Travis to his great reward, leaving Nash in the hospital without her face and Sandra Herold talking to any media outlet with reporters brave enough to enter her home.

In the end, we’ll all foot the bill for Herold’s “relationship.” Police overtime, the massive hospital bills and a near certain stay in jail will all be paid for by those of us still lucky enough to have jobs.

Thanks Sandra. Nothing makes us happier than paying for other people’s delusions.

Forrest Gump once said, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Never has a single phrase rung so true.